UK Government announces plans to arrest Prince William at the FA Cup final

To much acclaim, fandom, and widespread celebration, Tory MPs from the Culture Media and Sport Committee announced a Bill to create a new law which will strengthen the fabric of British society. A law that will change the way we live our lives. A law that has pubs the country over bubbling with chatter. A law that could ensure the result of the next election…….A law that already exists.

The new Unauthorised Entry Bill will make it illegal to enter a football stadium without a ticket. This is, of course, already illegal — but with the government looking for any win they can get in the lead up to this year’s election, this is welcome fare.

As a central motto of the Tory government, much effused by Boris Johnson, is that “nobody is above the law” — one looks forward to Prince William being hanged, drawn and quartered upon his annual ticketless entry to Wembley for the FA Cup final in his lesser known role as the President of the FA.

The Superbowl halftime show has nothing on this.